Yume no Ato

With the melodic voice of Julie London singing as time goes by in my bus going home, I can't stop feel nostalgia for that little person who accompanied me in this interesting month since I return to Germany. Recapitulating is like living a second chapter of a mess up book called the M.K. Chronicles. This time with an better perception of the life that makes me finally enjoy every single minute of what have been happening this month. With a smile in the face I can believe how simple does the world is once we decide to finally move on. And I think that I found out what can makes me feel so easy even in the most compromised of the situations. So, basically been a “human” and deal with my pain like a cross to the Golgotha of my life is not what I should follow to live on. Now I can see that the secret is not try to be a good person, because that is something that is from the heart of the people , nor try to be strong or hard to tolerate the “injustices” of the world...

I am supposed to pursue my dream in this narrow winding road, stuttering in the crowds of people It's not that I want to return to that past, I am just searching for the sky I have lost. I hope you understand. Don't show the sad face as if you have been sacrificed. Tears do not end a sin. We have to carry it with us through in this maze of feelings with no ends in sight. Who am I waiting for? As scribbled on the blank note, I want to be more honest. What do I want to escape from? Is it this thing called "reality"? "For what am I living?" In the middle of the night as my memories are fading. I can't play safe anymore, but there is nowhere to go too. There's still so much in life to remove this feeling. I will feel nostalgic about it. I welcome this pain. I have to apologize for this. Ah, I'm sorry. I can't say it well. I'm just causing worries. Everything that I embraced that day. Everything that I will embrace tomorrow I will not arrange ...

It has stopped nothing moves Not even I myself feel like I do. Empty space a world where nothing exists. There I am, trown out into such a space. It has stopped nothing moves I am at a “standstill”... Alive. I am alive. I breathe, and my body moves. I can laugh, cry and grieve. But... I haven't moved forward anywhere. I am at a “standstill”... To a heart such as mine, a small breeze blew in. I tought it was something petty. It wasn't supposed to be felt for too long. But that wind covered me completely. It wrapped arround me so warmly.... I heard from someone, the universe continually expands, that is alive. But to me, I can only see the universe is stopped. The event of stopping, in a way, I think is very close to eternity. I mean, you see, that way, It feels more like the universe. The universe is stopped. Just like how my feelings are at a “standstill”....

Girl 1: you are the most spontaneous and crazy person I ever met in my life. Thanks I never thought that have a live without plans and going forward would be this exiting. Girl 2: I hate when you plan everything. Your life has to be so boring. 2 women, 2 point of view; the first knows the person I become, the second knows the person I was. How is possible to have opposite opinions with similar auras? I changed, my essence changed I never thought that something like that might happen. And I have to apologize in front of all the people I mistreat due my old dogmas. I have no fixed opinions anymore just strict decisions and conviction behind them. The price was too high for me… now just have to move on and smile for those I harmed.

a week ago i felt in the bottom of my exasperation. I felt in a whole so deep that i was unable to literally breath any more. Living in a world of disguised truths and bended realities i found out how weak and dirty I become. Hurting everyone beside me i was unable to tolerate to rise my head any more. So I didnt have any more options to look for help, to go back to my roots and see what I have lost. There i saw how repugnant I've become and how harmful I've been for the people i love or took care of me during all this time. Ironically i was looking for the maximum punishment and what i found was absolute redemption in my life. Once at all I was able to forgive myself. I was able to make peace once at all with me, with my family, with the people who think that are friends of mine, and even with god. All that people that I abandoned by the wrong unstable actions took my apologized in a way that i never thought that i might deserve. It felt so unexpected that i ...

[02:12:40] Tu amiGa ImaGinaRia: vas a tratar de "reconquistarla" ? [02:12:55] que te importa como me llamo: que cosa? [02:13:04] Tu amiGa ImaGinaRia: a tu ex esposa [02:15:08] que te importa como me llamo: nop, recuerdas lo que te dije ayer de que debo hacer mi vida y hacer que esta ande en armonia con la vida de la gente normal? pos ella es del grupo de la gente no normal pero que v ive en el mundo normal, por lo cual son 2 mundos que no machean, uno incompleto (el mio) y uno semi establecido en el que ella diambula con mas gente. so es mejo no cometer los mismos errores. si ella quiere darse una vuelta por nowhereland pos no le negare la visa pero no creo uqe le de la residencia [02:19:40] … sip por mas que quiera, cada vez qeu hablo con ella me doy cuenta mas y mas qeu si vuelvo a estar con alguien asi pos dejo de ser como yo y puff se jode la mamasita [02:20:39] Tu amiGa ImaGinaRia: cm en hancock? [02:21:22] que te importa como me llamo: haha sabes que eres la primera per...