for the sake of my goddess

today i realized that i can live on. That the days from tomorrow will be hell and that i might loose all in 5 weeks. But i'm not afraid anymore, i'm not sad nor upset. Disappointment is a trophies that i will put in my placard. I know and realized that i didn't make not even the 30% of my real possibility now. But for the first time, i have no regrets on it. I felt that i finally grew up in that aspect. There is noting wrong with me, not that threw the towel. I figure out that there is no past anymore, the past to me is like an old tv show with a predictable ending. I think that i know now what natalie wanted to say with her now happiness, that was just a way to say, hey just move on dude, what are you winning with staying in the past? Don't you see? You are just loosing stuffs with that attitude.
Indeed,gibt es keine einfach oder “kurz” Modus. Is an everyday job, and i have to do it with love. A love that doesn't belongs to anyone but to me.
I decided stop waiting for natalie to come back. Yes i still want her to come but not because i beg her for it. From this moment i let her be free and stop torturing her with the grunges of the past.
If someone ask me, hey then that means that you dont want her with you anymore? I will say that isn't like that. I beg and pray for her every night and if she doesn't come back to me will hurts. But is and isolated pain that doesn't drag anyone on it. Why? Because is a teaching pain, for real this time i want to retake the phrase “what doesn't kill me makes me stronger” just that strength can be replaced with kindness.
Is my time to cross my garden of roses, without paying attention to the pain of the spines, but to the beauty of the flowers.
good night germany city of solitude and tender...

thanks you all for the tears and the teach now i can feel the salt!

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