2 Girls 1 Feeling

What is this uncertain feeling that is killing me now? Why everything have to change so fast and in this way?

When I thought that love is everywhere I didn't realized that even in those hearts that are not looking for it would bloom that much.

The worst is that I also felt silently in this path created by this incomprehensible feeling.

Now I'm here, with 2 great women who have been developed a feeling that it suppose not to happen. One who swear not move our relationship more than just a great friendship and the other who found the explanation she was looking for in my company.

What can be done now without hurting one of those... indeed put aside or transform my love for her is the solution. I just wish I could be able to do it without harming their hearts.

ah...

“I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be”

keep rolling in the world

Sometimes we have to leave what we know in order to value what we have someone says. Indeed just try to follow what our hearts indicates brings most of the time good things even when in the moment we are unable to understand them. This days, I decided to travel around Europe, with first destiny Italy. After a week in the country of the pasta and the pizza, I saw how easy my perspective of the world can be changed. Yesterday, remembering the discussion with my late German teacher I can corroborate that home is not a place that is static to me as normal people consider for them. Heimat, home, hogar, terms that are subjective as the people who ask for them. But with not strong answers to a person like me. I felt that I found my place in Berlin, a city that have everything and easier to manipulate as people thing once you become legal. However, I saw in a small island in the middle of the Mediterranean sea that my “auto inculcated idea” was as unstable as drunk person playing over ice. But well, was easy to realize that and understand it reason I feel a bit comfortable because there is no problems to me with accepting this. The next destiny is uncertain and time is in my favor this time. I only have to be obligatory in berlin in the time of july when ara will come. Ironically is not that easy to live without technology, therefore I enjoy to be connected to it even in my journeys. Do what we feel to do is the answer to the dilema in revolutionary roads I think. Even if the price looks a bit crazy or understandable what keeps inside of our hearts is what is important.
Normal life is for normal people, we are all normal in our ways and extraordinarily unique in the same way and we can only bright when we follow our hearts even against logic.
Thanks to everyone in my journeys, to all who are not here any more and to all who I don't know yet. The wold is as big as we accept it and want it to see. There aren't buts for the moment, they might come in the future, who knows, hope we can handle it and minimize it, just like that we can have full life's.
Ciao bella italia

break times

taking a break of this new life I just enjoy here a hot chocolate in this interesting cafe that only have soups or drinks. Enjoying my chocolate and tempted with a choko amareto I can't stop thinking how easy the connections can be made with other entities in this world. What is this thing called affection that is so easily to develop for some people and so difficult for others? I never had that problem but I can't stop wondering for some people I know that is so difficult to interact with others.
Indeed, maybe some people have that touch that let others to see an easy person to get close that others don't.
I wish to know how does life is in the other side just to understand the mood of those who doesn't get the chance to get closer to others that easily and try to do something for them. I think that most of the people who create problems are just only people that is misunderstood and get to the point to explode.
Well lets see, now I have to meet some people like that... I hope I can do something good like the last time for them.
Is good to smile when we want. I just hope I dont forget about it :-P
t – 5 days to italy :-)

good flight my little friend

With the melodic voice of Julie London singing as time goes by in my bus going home, I can't stop feel nostalgia for that little person who accompanied me in this interesting month since I return to Germany. Recapitulating is like living a second chapter of a mess up book called the M.K. Chronicles. This time with an better perception of the life that makes me finally enjoy every single minute of what have been happening this month.

With a smile in the face I can believe how simple does the world is once we decide to finally move on. And I think that I found out what can makes me feel so easy even in the most compromised of the situations. So, basically been a “human” and deal with my pain like a cross to the Golgotha of my life is not what I should follow to live on.

Now I can see that the secret is not try to be a good person, because that is something that is from the heart of the people , nor try to be strong or hard to tolerate the “injustices” of the world. But to me the secret is something completely opposite.

Once I found out that I become weak, that I got broke during life and that I found my distance about my heart and the others that I was able to feel their hearts and how they really looks like. People close their hearts unconsciously to some people just as they open it to some others and that is something that in an analytical point of view can be seen as a shity behaviour but is just part of them and we just have to learn of that. Even that in-understandable feeling we have now can bring something good if we take time to understand it... maybe no in the moment but at least in the future to learn about it.

To live and move on give us the possibility to learn and thats how I told to my new teacher, “what gives meaning to my life is to learn new experiences” I can move forward from now on seen the perspective of the universe without labeling of good or bad even if they are painful because all is part of a big medley of emotions and experiences called life.

I thanks to my month companion and I wish you a great journey back to your country. Is nice to know that I was able to test my self with you and understand that I really start to hear my heart too.

With love, an smile an one of your tears in my hand and my heart.

Gute reise!

M.K

Again...

I am supposed to pursue my dream
in this narrow winding road, stuttering in the crowds of people

It's not that I want to return to that past,
I am just searching for the sky I have lost.
I hope you understand.
Don't show the sad face as if you have been sacrificed.

Tears do not end a sin. We have to carry it with us through
in this maze of feelings with no ends in sight.
Who am I waiting for?
As scribbled on the blank note, I want to be more honest.
What do I want to escape from?
Is it this thing called "reality"?

"For what am I living?"
In the middle of the night as my memories are fading.
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
There's still so much in life to remove this feeling.
I will feel nostalgic about it.
I welcome this pain.

I have to apologize for this. Ah, I'm sorry.
I can't say it well. I'm just causing worries.

Everything that I embraced that day.
Everything that I will embrace tomorrow
I will not arrange them in any order.
I hope you understand. I closed my eyes
but I could still see things I do not want to see.

Unnecessary rumours that I hear for the first time, so what?
"Face it and you will be friends"
Don't tell lies like these.
My heart being agitated from deep inside,
a burning sensation runs through my body.
Actually I'm expecting something
from this thing called "reality".

"For what am I living?"
I want to shout it out loud. Can you hear me?
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
I am grateful for all the kindness,
so I want to become stronger to march on.
I do welcome friends and foes.

How do I open the next door? I'm thinking.
The unretractable story has begun.
Open your eyes. Open your eyes.

There is still so much in life to remove this feeling.
I want to start all over again so that I can complete what I haven't done.
Shall we go AGAIN?

"For what am I living?"
I want to shout it out loud. Can you hear me?
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
I am grateful for all the kindness,
so I want to become stronger. I feel the nostalgia.
I welcome this pain.

time to open my eyes

It has stopped nothing moves

Not even I myself

feel like I do.

Empty space

a world where nothing exists.

There I am,

trown out into such a space.

It has stopped nothing moves

I am at a “standstill”...

Alive.

I am alive.

I breathe, and my body moves.

I can laugh, cry and grieve.

But...

I haven't moved forward anywhere.

I am at a “standstill”...

To a heart such as mine,

a small breeze blew in.

I tought it was something petty.

It wasn't supposed to be felt for too long.

But that wind covered me completely.

It wrapped arround me so warmly....


I heard from someone, the universe continually expands, that is alive.

But to me, I can only see the universe is stopped.

The event of stopping, in a way, I think is very close to eternity.

I mean, you see, that way, It feels more like the universe.

The universe is stopped.

Just like how my feelings are at a “standstill”....

The dilemma of the perception

Girl 1: you are the most spontaneous and crazy person I ever met in my life. Thanks I never thought that have a live without plans and going forward would be this exiting.
Girl 2: I hate when you plan everything. Your life has to be so boring.
2 women, 2 point of view; the first knows the person I become, the second knows the person I was. How is possible to have opposite opinions with similar auras?
I changed, my essence changed I never thought that something like that might happen. And I have to apologize in front of all the people I mistreat due my old dogmas.
I have no fixed opinions anymore just strict decisions and conviction behind them.
The price was too high for me… now just have to move on and smile for those I harmed.