A love dilemma

in the middle of this serene night, I wake up after falling asleep watching a movie and start to think if there is an absolute meaning for love. What is that thing that motivates people to say “I love you” in certain situations. Moreover, what is that thing that make them retract their words with time.
I can't just think that even love is something not eternal for those who are too exposed to this world. At least is what i would like to think instead of believing that wasn't real love what I got the last time.
I would like to ask her, what is love for her because now I'm really confused about it. I always though that love is something that make us go on even in the darkness of the nights, against every logic and against even faith or luck. Something so beautiful that can go on even against death and time an doesn't matter how difficult it is will always bring us a smile.
If that is the case, i think that we should be able to surpass everything with it as she told me once. Then, why makes people change their minds. Might be that wasn't real love? Or might be that what people call love is just an, one side feeling, that as a plant grows, bloom and then fall in decadence. Or worst then, is like a plant that have to be cultivated day by day or might die with time. If this is the case, I would like to ask to the heavens what have I done wrong. I wish, I could know what is my mistake to learn of it an have a good experience of all this pain. I need to know in order to pass the experience to those who still have hope in this feeling.
I maybe my perception of love doesn't fit in this world anymore, that is so sad to think on it, because i have to continue living on with it.
So at the end there is so many questions....
what is really love?
Is pride stronger than love?
Aren't any more eternal feelings in this world?
Am I too idealistic or just dumb?
Can I trust again in my life in people?
Are really my sins so bad that I can't even been worthy of receiving the affection of an angel?
Or am I living just in an eternal distorted reality created by my naive mind?
What an paradox, i'll be 29 in some days, I spent the half of my life lamenting for a dead love. When I realized that there is nothing we can do for dead people, I found out that now i'll spend the rest of my life trying to understand and learn who I was so dumb to hurt an angel who, was once innocent and pure, and suffering for my mistakes...
Indeed is a fair payment for my unconsciousness. If we all could learn of this situations, maybe we might be better people... but for what?

Comentarios

Publicar un comentario

Entradas populares de este blog

El regalo de Mayauru

El hada Mayauru perdió su memoria y debido a eso se fue a vivir sola en una colina en el bosque. Con el tiempo, una niña solitaria fue a la colina y se hicieron amigas. La niña llamo a muchos otros niños y se hicieron amigos del hada para jugar… Como Mayauru no era humana ella envejeció más lentamente. Los niños fueron creciendo y con el tiempo se olvidaron de Mayauru… Al final solo quedaba la niña que conoció al principio… Pero esta niña también creció y se volvió una adulta, y debido a eso no pudo jugar más con Mayauru. Sin embargo, aunque era una adulta la niña no pudo olvidarse completamente de Mayauru y volvió. Y entonces Mayauru le dio a la niña de mirada triste un regalo. El regalo fue palabras de despedida, Hasta entonces los humanos no conocían las palabras de despedida. Mayauru era el Hada de las despedidas. Ella había olvidado eso y era por eso que solo daba adioses… La niña, ahora adulta, aprendió las palabras de despedida de Mayauru. Y sabiendo estas palabras la niña f
Leer más

a homless soul

This days my mood have been unbelievable high, and for some reason I can only think in the phenomena when the start will collapse is when they bright more. But even this time I was able to put aside that and almost enjoy every minute I'm leaving. After a pretty busy day i just start to think that everything was relatively nice. I went to school, and even considering that is one of those days were “Ich kann nicht auf deutsch denken” i was able to survive to the group and enjoy the moment. Maybe because now I have some feeling of security about my future, is because I can mortify about little stuffs about solitude or lack of motivation for humanity. After having a relatively, interesting night in the stammtisch now I'm sitting here in the train with the uneasy feeling that no one will wait at home for me. It never worried me before, and I was use to it but I still don't get use to the idea once I found out some kind of happiness in my life together with someone else. All t
Leer más

Zero motivation day...

another day i wake up in an stranger bed wondering why did i woke up. The now regular feeling of eternal disappointment is only perturbed by an strange dizziness that doesn´t let me wake up properly nor walk. Thinking why i should stand walk or go out the room makes me understand that there is no reason for that. There is no difference to those months when i use to do the same in another country. Unfortunately my brain started to also think in the same way and i know by experience that if i dont force myself to live i will end up wasting too much time again. Looks that the day will be a crap today it end up with a unusual cold weather with sucky snow mode and now i just found out that my monthly card for the train expired yesterday. How? Cuz the guy checking the cards today just told me so i had to pay the ticket at least and not the charge for been without ticket..... anyways for now is not so bad to continuing falling cuz as always once t he floor have been reached... the only th
Leer más