a homless soul
This days my mood have been unbelievable high, and for some reason I can only think in the phenomena when the start will collapse is when they bright more. But even this time I was able to put aside that and almost enjoy every minute I'm leaving. After a pretty busy day i just start to think that everything was relatively nice. I went to school, and even considering that is one of those days were “Ich kann nicht auf deutsch denken” i was able to survive to the group and enjoy the moment. Maybe because now I have some feeling of security about my future, is because I can mortify about little stuffs about solitude or lack of motivation for humanity.
After having a relatively, interesting night in the stammtisch now I'm sitting here in the train with the uneasy feeling that no one will wait at home for me. It never worried me before, and I was use to it but I still don't get use to the idea once I found out some kind of happiness in my life together with someone else.
All this travel makes me feel that, to the place I'm reaching now is not a home, is just a place were i can stay the nights and cover from the weather. So actually what is a home? Is a place where some dear person is waiting for you maybe. I think that to me, in the strict meaning of the world, a home is a place were I can come back. But getting to this apartment is so cold and lonely that in some moments it feels torturing.
It remembers me to the last person who use to live there that some times was unable to sleep in the bed, weil Sie ein anderes person vermisst. I think that now I can understand that feeling and is a bit painful from time to time. However, now i don't feel such a torture in my life, I don't have problems going back there, but I can't deny how sad is back to a place where no one is waiting for you.
Ironically, some years ago I was use to that idea and for some moments I always thought that would be like that. Indeed we have to be careful with what we wish or it might become true.
This night I wish that someone honest would give me a hug i guess... but well I feel that i don't want to touch anyone for a while yet, every time I touch someone i get connected to them and for some reason I start to feel or see their actions. I don't want that, is a bit sick and harmful sometimes.
I'm pretty glad that I have change a bit now, because depression is not something that might harm me for some time. But is like everything, as long as we get physically tired or weak, everything else start to affect us. I want to sleep with someone special again, talk for a while with that person, enjoy the minute like if the time doesn't exist like I did with her once. Is funny that now i can remember when i said, there is so few special people in this world and all of them are busy with someone else. Like I said to a girl once “life is like a box of chocolate, every time you want to look for the one you like, someone else already took it”.
Kamisama, devil, jebus, superman whoever, thanks for this permanent smile I have now, brings peace to the soul, superficial but something have to be the start.
Ja ne...
After having a relatively, interesting night in the stammtisch now I'm sitting here in the train with the uneasy feeling that no one will wait at home for me. It never worried me before, and I was use to it but I still don't get use to the idea once I found out some kind of happiness in my life together with someone else.
All this travel makes me feel that, to the place I'm reaching now is not a home, is just a place were i can stay the nights and cover from the weather. So actually what is a home? Is a place where some dear person is waiting for you maybe. I think that to me, in the strict meaning of the world, a home is a place were I can come back. But getting to this apartment is so cold and lonely that in some moments it feels torturing.
It remembers me to the last person who use to live there that some times was unable to sleep in the bed, weil Sie ein anderes person vermisst. I think that now I can understand that feeling and is a bit painful from time to time. However, now i don't feel such a torture in my life, I don't have problems going back there, but I can't deny how sad is back to a place where no one is waiting for you.
Ironically, some years ago I was use to that idea and for some moments I always thought that would be like that. Indeed we have to be careful with what we wish or it might become true.
This night I wish that someone honest would give me a hug i guess... but well I feel that i don't want to touch anyone for a while yet, every time I touch someone i get connected to them and for some reason I start to feel or see their actions. I don't want that, is a bit sick and harmful sometimes.
I'm pretty glad that I have change a bit now, because depression is not something that might harm me for some time. But is like everything, as long as we get physically tired or weak, everything else start to affect us. I want to sleep with someone special again, talk for a while with that person, enjoy the minute like if the time doesn't exist like I did with her once. Is funny that now i can remember when i said, there is so few special people in this world and all of them are busy with someone else. Like I said to a girl once “life is like a box of chocolate, every time you want to look for the one you like, someone else already took it”.
Kamisama, devil, jebus, superman whoever, thanks for this permanent smile I have now, brings peace to the soul, superficial but something have to be the start.
Ja ne...
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