careness, love, loveless
Yesterday I was thinking in the words “I feel that I can’t love you anymore how I use to”, said for nali when we were having a conversation that started really hard due my incompetence. When I close the phone I felt strangely relief, due the fact, that if I have to comment about it I should say exactly the same. I can see many things about this person now that are really confusing. I feel that I always start to talk with one person and end up talking with another. In the same way, I started to talk with someone long time ago and I felt in love with another person.
What I see in nali is that something in here grew; the fact is that more than grew it becomes old, wise. No changes in human behavior are bad as long as is for the wellness of the person involved. Then I feel that something worst happen here. The principle of touka kouka indicates that to gain something of certain value, something with equal value have to be sacrificed. What have you sacrificed nali? I think that you don’t even know that answer reason is unnecessary to think too much about it because is better if the time answer that for both.
I miss those wonderful bright eyes I met once. That woman which tender and tolerance for the world makes her glow with the mighty and the nostalgia of a saint. Someone, who accepts to have a kid with a person that she didn’t love and hurting her soul; someone, who was able to forgive the devil for all his sins without hesitate.
She had learn of all the bad and good experiences I feel. And because of this, she has become a steel woman with a wonderful heart that is protected for a superior power. But not everything is fine in this equation I feel. I see her eyes and I see tiredness, sadness and some kind of passive frustration against something that she can control and I have no idea what it is.
I don’t like to compare, but if I take this too nali’s described before there is something that at the end of the life of the first have that made her someone who was really wonderful for herself. That, in fact what the love she had for me. I know that I criticized her ways of affections but no matter how dull and hard it sounds, I can with this change see what is good for her. With this I accept that at the beginning I confess that one of the most worrying things I felt about Natalie was the fact I felt that she was limiting herself and justifying her life by dedicating her life to her daughter. In fact, there is more behind now and I don’t know if she realized but I found in her that when she was with me she found her reason to live. That reason is not me, but love itself; listen to her yesterday, thinking in all her changes, evolution and vexing point of view I can clearly says that Natalie’s reason to live is love. That is too complicated to me to really understand it but paying attention to her is easy to discern and I’m glad and sad for it, glad because most of the people spend their life looking for an answer to this question and never find it or find it too late and she in the middle of her life was able to see it; and sad I don’t really know why, maybe is because I thought that I had a reason to live and that reason doesn’t exist any longer and makes me feel completely lost. Like she entered in a category I can’t reach.
Why I’m so addictive to see her glowing? Why I can’t just forget about it and be objective? Why I always have the urge to help people like her? I don’t know but Natalie what I really know is that you are going in a good way to grow in your consciousness, but is your soul intact? Is your spirit ok? I feel that is going back for some reason, please correct me if is like that. I wish you can find peace at the end, that you can find love, and that you can be completed.
What I see in nali is that something in here grew; the fact is that more than grew it becomes old, wise. No changes in human behavior are bad as long as is for the wellness of the person involved. Then I feel that something worst happen here. The principle of touka kouka indicates that to gain something of certain value, something with equal value have to be sacrificed. What have you sacrificed nali? I think that you don’t even know that answer reason is unnecessary to think too much about it because is better if the time answer that for both.
I miss those wonderful bright eyes I met once. That woman which tender and tolerance for the world makes her glow with the mighty and the nostalgia of a saint. Someone, who accepts to have a kid with a person that she didn’t love and hurting her soul; someone, who was able to forgive the devil for all his sins without hesitate.
She had learn of all the bad and good experiences I feel. And because of this, she has become a steel woman with a wonderful heart that is protected for a superior power. But not everything is fine in this equation I feel. I see her eyes and I see tiredness, sadness and some kind of passive frustration against something that she can control and I have no idea what it is.
I don’t like to compare, but if I take this too nali’s described before there is something that at the end of the life of the first have that made her someone who was really wonderful for herself. That, in fact what the love she had for me. I know that I criticized her ways of affections but no matter how dull and hard it sounds, I can with this change see what is good for her. With this I accept that at the beginning I confess that one of the most worrying things I felt about Natalie was the fact I felt that she was limiting herself and justifying her life by dedicating her life to her daughter. In fact, there is more behind now and I don’t know if she realized but I found in her that when she was with me she found her reason to live. That reason is not me, but love itself; listen to her yesterday, thinking in all her changes, evolution and vexing point of view I can clearly says that Natalie’s reason to live is love. That is too complicated to me to really understand it but paying attention to her is easy to discern and I’m glad and sad for it, glad because most of the people spend their life looking for an answer to this question and never find it or find it too late and she in the middle of her life was able to see it; and sad I don’t really know why, maybe is because I thought that I had a reason to live and that reason doesn’t exist any longer and makes me feel completely lost. Like she entered in a category I can’t reach.
Why I’m so addictive to see her glowing? Why I can’t just forget about it and be objective? Why I always have the urge to help people like her? I don’t know but Natalie what I really know is that you are going in a good way to grow in your consciousness, but is your soul intact? Is your spirit ok? I feel that is going back for some reason, please correct me if is like that. I wish you can find peace at the end, that you can find love, and that you can be completed.
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