New year notes

Now many people in many blogs might be writing about what they want for the next year. Usually, the 90% of those new year resolutions ends up in never land after 1 or 2 weeks. Most of them because of the classic “tomorrow i'll start” or “lets wait until we get to the normal life”. The puristic in myself would be silently insulting this people in silence due they low and weak will to accomplish they objectives. However, this days I start to be more tolerant with the humanity and understand that everyday they can change. Simple, every day is a new year. So as long as we continue living we can change for good or for bad. What I do about those “determined people” now is simply laugh and evaluate how long will take to them to impose an excuse in order to stop they plans. Without judging them if what they do is good or bad they can end up doing whatever they want. Of course, I have to congrats the people who is able to accomplish them but never say anything about the people who don't.

In the other hand, I have to think about my own self before worry about others situation and instead of thinking in the future i guess is better to think in the past and evaluate in order to progress one more day.

This year had many curious situations for me. Between the significant is the fact that i'm living in a country by my own will without having excuses like training or competing in another country.

Also, I found my own definition of love and how does it works for me. I found out that love is something eternal and thats why have been so difficult to me to develop in so different situations. But once love is there it doesn't change even if the person who have part of my heart disappear or change. I'm like a stray dog who will always worry for his master even in the worst of the cases. Fortunately, my love haven split in 3 and unconsciously i decided to give the 3^rd part to a beautiful angel that went away and have no more feelings for me. Sounds sad but what happens to her is something that she have to realize and once is like that i would be able to continue... of course i hope that she understand that the fact that i gave her my last part of love is not with the idea to pressure her to stay with me but because she unconsciously won it and now is from her. I hope it won't become a stigma for her that might not let her be as wonderful as she was once... what give me some peace of mind but hurts is the fact that she have found happiness in other people... maybe what I feel is what humans call envy... but basically is the fact that i'm not that person i was one who use to be the source of her happiness, of course after her daughter. But well such is the life.

Another thing i learned is that people can be changed by surround them. But there is some small essence that keep them as individuals and that is what makes them special.

Also, i found out that worlds means nothing... even if they come from the heart as long as no actions are taken.

And the last thing I learn that actually i think i learned since i die the 2^nd time was that I never blame no one for anything. What happens is just the result of wrong decision or actions during the process of living. What is important is assimilate the situation and live on. Learn of it and move forward... as long as we continue moving hope will exist.

For me? Now i'm just enjoying the fireworks from the people outside from my window and maybe later i'll turn on the candles and receive the new year in solitude but in peace... i think that i grew up a lot this year... I'm not anymore the super start that everyone admire nor a mere human.... i'm just me and observant of the human race and it's developing in the history.

At the end i stop to think about the future... i will concentrate in one day at a time from now on... the hope will always be there but is not something that will keep me stuck.... i wish only that in this long process i dont get stand still anymore... i lost too much time and too many people in that process and i'm not anymore for regrets...

i appreciate my "no longer in this world friends", my confused girlfriend and my family..... as an egoist feeling that wont wait for anything in exchange.... just hope peace of soul for all for this new year...

M.K