even over the darkness of the day, there is a hidden sun up there

Today is the first day of my last week of classes. After almost 5 months, i can see back and enjoy with nostalgia the happy and unpleasant moments i have in that place. For the 2nd time in life i felt that i was able to enjoy the moments i spent with people with similar goals. Like a team full of leaders with different objectives but with similar enemy all become into this long crusade of learning such a difficult language with relative satisfaction.

About me, i think that i didn't do my best, but is a matter that is so normal to me due is a bad habit i develop for trying to be considerate with the average humans. And as a bad habit, is something that will take the same amount of time to removed and to be honest i don't mind about that.

Live my life to the fullest, waste my life, aren't matters that have meaning anymore. I think that i found the balance i was looking for. The fact, is that not everyone can live their life to the fullest because not everyone have the will, energy, motivation, ambition or what ever to accomplish that. The mother inspiration plays in a really peculiar way with every individual in the world fact why the phrase life the life to the fullest is just a relative statement.

I think that the important to me is not to overdo it, but find a good conformity and scalable/progressive way to evolve to find my own peace at my own pace. That, makes me keep to be myself no matter how the circumstances are. Self for me that almost everyone know but that some important people in my life saw for a while and even felt attracted to it.

In the social matter i saw how many mask my life have now. And with a bit of disappointment i accept them due is something that might increase in number as long as i live. Every time we have a relationship a mask is born and keeps me up of crumbling. I dont mind about that because is just a self defense mechanism that works on in me. However, this weekend i found out that when the heart is of the “being i interact with” is warm and honest, or the people who interact with us really have an ulterior motive or an extensive understanding of what life is, there is no problem with shows some part of myself because been afraid of been destructed or corrupted is not a matter anymore. I got all i was always hoping and more in my life in this last 5 years. In another time i can say that for now on i can just dedicate to be me, and look for the self improvement i was hoping to reach when i got into Germany. No matter were i go, or how i live, i felt love and now my life is complete. This doesn't mean that i can die now, i have goals to accomplish yet but now i can look where i stand and say, i'm clumsy but one step at the time will be enough to continue moving on.

Every day I wake up now, even if I feel like dying and say thanks for another day. Everyday i have the opportunity to live on is the result of all the experiences, people and support I always have in my life. To all this people who stayed with me until the end, to all that people who said that they love me, to all that people who said that they hate me, envy me, or admire me. To my broken heart and for the scars of the past. All that and more is me and even if i'm not comfortable with it, is something i have to live with and move on for a better tomorrow. I think warmth in my heart is what love for myself really is. I think i can almost forgive me now or maybe I already did and i didn't realized. Mother experience, what do you think? let me your hand once more and let me dance with me an endless waltz.

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