59:57
The day, december 10, 1996. 2 days after the mothers day I was there, at 6:30 in the morning in the Patria pool which now have the name of a mediocre, schlech sex bitch who went to have “travel” to 2 Olympics. Alone in the line 5 with the electronic touch connected i was there in that pool only with some few expectations and my last trainer, Rify. Without paying attention to the smuggling words of my trainer i was there in the starting podium concentrated in what I called my master piece. While, some people was talking and walking around, In my head i was only repeating my plan over and over again.
“count to 6, 8 strokes and turn back, 12 and touch the panel”
“not 7, not 13, 8 and 12”
“1 stroke less might mean 1 second lost, 1 stroke more might mean 30 cents more”
And like a flash i got hit by the reality... and hundreds of thoughts hits me so hard to the point i had to make a false start. In some days will be the first year since the death of my only real support, have been a year since i buried all my dreams and lost all my expectations of living. Then i remember my own words I arrogantly said to my friends “1996 is the year when for the first time the barrier of the minute in the breaststroke will be broken”. That gave me strength to go out of the pool and retake the starting line. While was waking i was only thinking... 1:16 by that Netherlander bald guy with such and imperfect style, this morning this pool will know what is a perfect breaststroke. Seconds later i prepare to swim, one person came to me, the trainer Wong to remind to visualize the travel. Once i got to the poll again i just said “this is my last gift to this pool who gave me so many glories and happiness”. At the sides of the pool, Wong and his daughter, edwin one of my closes comrades, ricardo torrez who just comming of his super nice trip around the world who end up with a really pathetic performance in the Olympics, his trainers and some other trainers like vincent and angelita. Once I down my head was like if I was preparing myself to cross to another world... a place I was able to control and nothing was important once I touch that cold morning water. Then, in my mind was there, my own mental pool, where only me and dead friend where free of time and space. For a second, everything becomes quiet, and the silence of the morning was broken by the horn of the starting. As if i was electrified, I slip into the pool and teleport to a new universe where I was god. With my eyes completely closed i count to 6, make my submarine stroke, count until 4 and then start the count, 1, 2,3,4,5,6,7... in that moment I open my eyes to see that the wall was there exactly where I saw it with my close eyes. Take the turn and start all over again 1,2,3.... when i was stroking I was able to see in the reflex of my goggles the movement of some shadows around the pool. However, that moment was mine and no one would order me in my universe. Getting closer i close my eyes again to concentrate in the angle of entrance of my shoulders which were creating a bit more resistance to the water due the instinct anxiety, in that moment i just can see them. All my friends and wise people I ever met in my life who just ended almost a year ago pulling me and cheering me up like if i was about to get a novel price for getting to the wall. Once i touched the screen I just sight... with my eyes hurting, not due the chemicals but for the incapacity of cry anymore in that year. I turned slow and in that second I slowly slip back to the reality... I was only hearing screams of joy and surprise around the pool I turn completely back and watch the electronic panel: 59:57. With an air of superiority and in silence i took my cap away and push myself away of the wall directly to the center of the pool... floating there as a leave in a river, was the first time i was able to show a honest smile in that year... and the last honest small in more than a decade.
I heard people talking loud, saying my name and talking about plans. But i didn't give any importance to that... I was literally tasting the minutes of peace and the culmination of a 3 years of obsessive sacrifice that ends up in that moment. After some minutes, i decided to go to the border of the pool and while i was getting slowly to that border where some people was waiting for me, as if i came from crossing the pacific i was thinking about all the possible reactions after knowing that this day will be the last day I'll get into this pool.
Once out and in silence, i heard all the compliments and good comments of the people around and how they formulated ideas of how will be announce the break of such a difficult record in the end of the year international competition they always make in Panama. After hear them talk I just politely thanks to this people who saw me in that pool competing since i had 8 years old. I thanked to edwin for be my most difficult adversary since the first day i got into an official competition, to Wong for teach me how to visualize during a competition and teach me how to control my blood pressure and anxiety. At the end to rify, the worst trainer I ever had, for letting me use him as a coach to get into that pool without time limit. After that I just said, “this is the end”. With a disconcerted face everyone saw me without understanding my motives, until the silence was broken by Wong: “the end of what?” i just turned back and with the feeling of melting down I just said “i continued training because i promised that this year the world record will die in my hands, now is done now I can retire in peace”. In just a second, the mood of all the people around change like in those cartoons when the little stuffed animals transform in huge demons in a second. Everyone screamed at the unison “RETIRE!? ARE YOU NUTS? YOU ONLY HAVE 16!”. Then the rain of questions came from everywhere like a rain of rocks against an unfaithful jesuit in the old time. And me, just there receiving all those piercing messages, one by one like swords across my body; I was only able to turn back and said with my honest egoist smile “Swimming to me become a painful activity, full of wonderful memories that now hurts me as much as your words... my love for this sport and for living died long ago. However, I just continued because i didn't want the regret of never prove that I can break this record even if is and unofficial race. Now is done and I saw it by myself. I can just leave, there is anything left here for me”. In silence i went to change my clothe and prepare for school. In the bath once i was getting ready to leave, a hit in my head awakes me from my floating-dead-living state. With eye flooded of tears, Edwin, one of the most hard work athletes I ever saw in the world, start to throw me all the equipment he had and screaming “why you can develop the ability to break a record and I leave just like that! Why I have to effort so much and never accomplish, and you that you just do it that and quit!”. In silence I just thank “dude, you have no idea how hard was to get were i got today. The fact that you never saw all the blood tears I drop in silence when I trained alone until faint doesn't mean that I'm a gifted like you. I didn't have the natural talent you have... you should be proud of yourself even if you can't get a world record because you enjoy what you do”. After that, I was only able to say sorry, with a bleeding nose and in silence i walked for the last time as a swimmer from that pool. When to my school as nothing happened and continue an empty life without never had an official world record.
Backing up of my dream stood there in that public pool at the other side of the world. My eyes drops some silence tears after seen a kid scream of joy for been able to swim by himself. From my lips only came out: “59:57” my only legacy for the humanity that never reached the skies of glory.
In my way to the train I couldn't stop thinking... which sport will my son like? Baseball as his grand-grandfather, basketball as his grandfather or swimming as his father, or what else? In that moment I figure out that i came of a lineage of silence sport heroes that lost their road in the beginning of their glories. Even me who drop everything by my own will. Promising that my son will always have the best cares, support and wishing that health will always accompany him i took my train to my lonely apartment to wait for another day...
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